it's because

It's Because

i am afraid to sleep. my relationship must
be getting old because tonight i let glenn
go to bed without me.

glenn says (god, i'm boring you, i know, but
this helps me and you're mostly all languishing
in my killfile because of the subjects of the
posts) that i shouldn't be afraid to dream because
things get worked out in dreams.

someone explained to me that i could control my
dreams, make them turn out the way i wanted them
to, or at least better than they do now, and i tried that.
the only time i was successful at it, it frightened me.

so much power! if i had that much power, i'd be dangerous.

i keep trying to write about "it" in the private place, but i
just delete the posts before i can finish them because it
hurts.

i think i'll write it a little at a time, saving the message to
be sent later and adding to it when i feel strong enough.

when it's all done, i'll send it.

i might not be able to read all of it right away, but it will wait
for me.

denise